The Value of the Self

Yoga and Buddhism make it quite clear that dropping the Ego/Self is a very important endeavor. If we are not able to drop the Ego, our meditation will never be quite grounded or authentic - instead, it will always have an element of, "look how well I've learned to meditate!" Similarly, if the Ego is not dropped from your yoga practice, an inordinate amount of time and mental energy is going to be spent checking out the other practitioners in the studio & seeing if you're "better" than them!

This is a useless endeavor for multiple reasons. First of all, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. To use mine as an example, I have flexible hamstrings which helps me with forward bends. But I also have an inner-ear problem which makes standing balance poses very difficult for me! Not only is it not helpful to compare yourself to other students in the class, also try to avoid comparison with yourself. As soon as you start to think about how you did a particular pose better yesterday, you've moved out of the present moment and into the past. So keep that Ujaiyi Breathing flowing, no matter what!

So, after all this talk about dropping the Self/Ego, how do we make use of it? Well, the answer lies not in making use of it for ourselves, but instead for other people. You know the old saying, "never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes"? It's built on that principle. So, while trying to work with your own Ego to become more calm, peaceful, and accepting every day, you can also use that Ego to generate compassion for those having a difficult day. Use the Ego to think about how you would want someone to respond to you if you were upset. And because everyone is different (& not everyone likes hugs!), sometimes the safest bet is to say something like, "I'm so sorry you're upset. I empathize, and if I can do anything, please let me know."

Beginning to use the Ego to understand others rather than just yourself will open up a whole new world of compassion and empathy for you, as well as for those you share this energy with.

YMCA Vinyasa Int. class, I'll see you all at the Y tonight at 7pm! :)

Yoga at work - part 2

As humans, we lable things. That's how we communicate; how language was first formed. We even have lables of our own (usually chosen by our parents, but one can always get creative later in life ;) )

So at work, it makes perfect sense that we lable things here, too. Some of them are useful at times. Your "To Do" box tells you what needs to get done. But, as we all know, feelings of apathy, boredom, feeling depressed or overwhelmed, or sheer panic can set in when looking at that In Box. Here is a little exercise to try the next time that happens.

First of all, take just ONE thing out of your In Box. You can only deal with one thing at a time, and for now, it is this. Now, especially if it's something you don't want to do, pretend you're doing it for someone else. Don't lable it as anything unpleasant. Instead, give it an imaginary lable like "very important document". Imagine that you've just done your best friend in the world a very nice favor, taking care of that important document. How does that feel? Much better than still staring at it in the In Box, right?

Now, I know this exercise is imaginative, and silly to some extent, but in another way it makes perfect sense. Every time you complete a difficult or unpleasant task at work, you ARE doing a friend a favor - yourself. You will reduce your stress level, feel more able and competent, and begin to see that by applying yourself meditatively even to those tasks that aren't your favorite, you are contributing to your place of work (even if this is home), which in turn contributes to the whole Universe. And who doesn't want to show up to work to help the whole Universe? :)

The Best... you already are

Continuing with the theme from Friday's post about what it truly means to be "the Best" (vs. what our culture has constructed as 'best').

It has been noted by psychologists that very bright and talented children often have very high levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. Why should this be so, when they are obviously talented, often more so than their peers?? It turns out that the reason is because these special traits and talents are so focused on by the adults in their lives, that these children feel that not knowing something or just being ordinary at something is a failure in some way. Subconsciously, those proud and loving parents are sending their child the message that they will be unlovable if they are not perfect. They must always be The Best in their parents' (and teachers', etc.) eyes.

Even if we were not one of those few talented children who could memorize pi to 40 digits or some other amazing feat, we have all felt that fear of, or actual rejection by, a parent or other authority figure for failing to live up to expectations. As small people, we were taught that we were being "prepared for life", and if we did not learn the lessons well enough, we would ultimately fail at life (or some other such threat, spoken or implied). But guess what? As children, as small people, we were not preparing for life. We were living life. And, along with the wonderment, we learned some harsh lessons along the way. As we grew up, we wondered: how can I be successful? How can I make my parents happy? How can I make myself happy? How can I be good enough?

Well, the answer, happily, is that you already are good enough, and you always have been. Your parents' pressure on you as a child, intentional or not, has no bearing on you or your inherent 'goodness'. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and therefore don't need to be perfect at anything! That's one of the big pros about living in a society where you know and are connected to your neighbors and/or other community. So put your talents to use, whatever they are, and graciously accept the help of others when you need to. This has no bearing on your status; your self-esteem - you are already, in the words of the Tejobindu Upanishad, your "Shining Self".

[...trying to find a link to the Upanishad for you, but no luck! Anyhow, the opening lines are:

Let us meditate on the Shining Self

Changeless, underlying the world of change

And realized in the heart in Samadhi.]

What does it mean to "Be the best"?

In Western culture, we are taught to compete to be the individual best in almost everything we do. That is why it is so difficult to drop that competitive mind-set during yoga, both with yourself and others. But all that energy spent on a "competitive edge" takes the practitioner out of the moment and into a realm of separation and contest. Use your yoga practice to practice dropping that need to be the best. Let your practice flow naturally. Being open and present, even when things do not "feel perfect", is in itself the greatest perfection.

"The best, like water,
Benefit all and do not compete.
They dwell in lowly spots that everyone else scorns.
Putting others before themselves,
They find themselves in the foremost place
And come very near to the Tao.
In their dwelling, they love the earth;
In their heart, they love what is deep;
In personal relationships, they love kindness;
In their words, they love truth.
In the world, they love peace.
In personal affairs, they love what is right.
In action, they love chosing the right time.
It is because they do not compete with others
That they are beyond the reproach of the world."
--Lao Tzu

Hello again

Hi there,

It feels like I've been away for such a long time. It's easy to get stuck in those ruts, where we feel we only have energy for life's absolute necessities and everything else seems to fade into the background. Well, fortunately, life being the fluid thing that it is, we can outsmart the mind's routines and help bring back creativity and spontaneity into our lives and our yoga practice.

This is a bit of an usual technique, a sort of gentle 'shock into awakening' for the mind. The point is that when you are dealing with feeling stuck, or with difficult emotions, do something completely unexpected!! If you are crying, start dancing. It doesn't matter if there is no music, it doesn't matter if at first you don't want to dance. Just start; throw yourself into it, and in a few moments your mind will have allowed the sadness to flow right out of you. If you are angry, try sitting in compassion for the person who has angered you. This can also be confusing to the mind. The situation, which seemed so black and white before, can begin to turn a subtle shade of gray, until you realize that you are sitting in peaceful awareness, the anger having subsided.

The only catch to this technique is: it's better to not use the same response twice, because then your body and mind will simply become habituated to that! So you must always be creative, always on your toes. But that is part of the fun of life.

A commitment to kindness

We know how important it is to practice kindness when dealing with others, and with the self. I have touched on this before - our culture teaches us, in many ways, to beat ourselves up simply for being human. This self-negativity and abuse is as unjust and unfair as if it were aimed at someone else, if not more so. The greatest things we can learn through yoga and meditation are to be kind and gentle, beginning with the self.

Actually, for most people, it's easier to begin with compassion towards others, and use that to learn how to extend it inward to the self. Our inner worlds are very complex, and we often make (false) assumptions like 'everyone else has got it together', 'I'm the only one who feels inadequate', 'everyone else is judging me' and, 'everyone can see all my flaws'. In fact, other people only see what you show them, and no one has 'got it all together'. As an example of how our internal and (perceived) external identities can be very different, I thought of myself as very shy and introverted my whole life. And yet, the opinion of people around me always seemed to be that I was outgoing and had no trouble making friends with strangers. It took me a while to understand this. I finally realized that these other people could not, in fact, see my inner nervousness or self-doubt, and they took my chatty attempts to compensate for my shyness at face value. They truly saw a friendly, outgoing person.

Our inner and outer identities are always in flux, but the reaction of those around us does have a definite influence on shaping our inner life. If we receive messages that we are bad or useless, we will incorporate those 'definitions' into our understanding of ourselves. And of course, if we receive messages that we are loved and worthy of happiness, we will incorporate those things as well. When we are younger, our parents and other authority figures have a lot of power here. But the great news is that, as we get older, we can take charge of which messages we incorporate (think about that word for a second. 'Incorporate' literally means 'to make part of the body (or self)'.). Just as we do with breathing, we can turn this identity-message process from an unconscious one into a conscious one, inviting positive energy and messages in, and filtering out the negative ones. This takes some practice, but you can vastly transform your inner world by shifting your view of yourself in this way. 

A while ago in class, I brought up the idea of practicing as if you were in someone else's body; a friend's or stranger's on loan. I think a lot of people thought I was loony that day, but I was trying to stress the point that we don't react to others the same way we react to ourselves. We may instantly get frustrated if we cannot do a pose or a task, but have quite a lot of patience while teaching this same thing to a friend. My encouragement to you is to extend the same patience and kindness to yourself, always, in all situations.

As humans, I believe we have an inherent obligation to extend kindness to all, especially ourselves. If we follow this path, only good can come of it.

It's been a while!

As some of you may have noticed, I have taken a short hiatus from blogging. This was due in part by an extremely office job/yoga schedule, but I am going to try to post more often, for the tens or even dozens of people who may read this from time to time.

"Real love is only possible whe you see everything as yourself." -Sri Swami Satchitananda

Delving in to the Sutras a bit, Sutra 1.24 says: "The Divine Conscioness is self-effulgent like the sun". So, if the Divine is always in our hearts, why do we need to call it forth at all? The reason is that many of us became stuck and stagnant, having closed off our heart, from ourselves and eachother. So, as we are able to open up the hearth through practice, our Divine self is revealed. The true miracle here is that if we are able to open our hearts like this, overcoming self-doubt or self-judgement will happen naturally, over a course of time.

And down the road in the future, those once-intense feelings of self doubt will simply begin to become more comfortable in your own skin. This is an amazing transformation. Over time, you will feel grounded, at peace, and able to deal with any wobbles life may through at you. As I'm fond of saying in class, life is never going to stop throwing wobbles, some big, some small, but what we can learn to do on and off the mat is to stay very calm, tap into our inner resources of our inner-balance and equinimity, and BREATHE! .......knowing that wobbles, intensity, and firey feelings in the muscles are not a hinderence to your practice, but a gift, not only serving to strenghten you physically, but also mentally.

Sutra 11.7: "Excessive fondness for fleeting pleasures (Raga) causes longing."
Sutra 11.8: "Excessive avoidance of unpleasant experiences (Dvesa) causes pain."
Don't let these sutras put you off. All they are saying has been said many times before by very wise people - "Everything is fine in moderation." In yoga, we try to figure out how to walk the middle path. Being an Ashtangi or yoga practitioner should not create more stress, tension, and self-comparison to yourself and others. If this is where you're at, take a nice deep breath and remember that things are always impermanent & will shift for you.

I know it's incredibly hard to drop judgement sometimes, but like everyhing else it's a learned skill. Finding a little detatchment from our ego-dramas does not me we devalue ourselves or our emotions. Instead, it means we are doing more to help them, but not feeding more negative energy into the system. Over time, we can learn to be far more compassionate towards others, including ourselves (meaing ourselves as individuals, as well as the entire human race).

Ashtanga yoga is a highly individualized learning process for each individial person, and it's important to remember that, when you're feeling frustrated, those feelings will pass. I promise. Please always: Work compassionately with your body, always being gentle instead of forceful. If you ever want to talk about frustrations, or any other topic, you can find me at the studio, email me at lindsay.yoga@gmail.com, or give me a call at 734.846.4366. I am always very happy and honored to chat and assist, so please don't hesitate to get in touch. Namaste, everyone, and have a safe and happy up-coming Halloween!!
Blessings to all beings. -L

Sutra 11.15 "Intuitive wisdom empowers us to expand beyond the constantly changing natural world ("the seen") to the abode of the Divine Spirit (The Seer).

"When we are able to know the self, all else is known." - Bhagavad-Gita

Dealing with frustration and negativity, continued...

As I've said before, we all deal with frustration, both on and off the mat. This is part of being human. The world is not going to stop creating frustrations for us. What CAN change is our habitual responses to these frustrations. And it is by moving through frustration that we journey forward and continue to enlighten our bodies, minds, and spirits.

A simple, & perhaps an example we can all relate to is getting frustrated in a pose, because it feels too intense, your balance feels off, or you just feel like you can't get it "right" that day. A habitual response in the mind might be "Arrgh, I hate this pose", and a habitual response in the body might be to give up. But most importantly, when frustration wells up it wants you to shift your focus AWAY from what you are doing. This is the yogic challenge here; to keep your focus through the pleasant, the neutral, and the unpleasant. This takes time. We are very habituated creatures. But in order to be free of our everyday suffering caused by the conditioned ("chattering") mind, we commit ourselves to focusing through whatever comes our way.

Here is a secret that not everyone knows. Shifting your focus away from pain (either physical or emotional pain) actually makes it worse!! The next time you incur a minor injury, such as stubbing a toe or finger, try this: instead of concentrating on thinking "OW!" and how to relieve the pain and all the times you felt pain like this in the past and and and.... just drop that, and focus INTENSLY on the hurt finger/toe/area. You will notice that what felt like static pain is actually shifting all the time, ranging from tingles to sharper pains depending on the injury. Take an interest in this impermanence of pain. (Of course, if your injury is severe and/or you are bleeding a lot, please go to the ER or call 9-1-1! ) Keep your focus on your pain as intensly as you can, until you watch it gradually fade to a dull throb or ache, and then disappear entirely. Look at that!! You have just meditated through pain! You are teaching your mind that it focuses where YOU want it to, and not just where it wanders.

The same principal can be applied to frustration. Don't try to push it away. Remain very, very aware of it, in all its details and subtleties. See if it is trying to tell you something, but usually it is just conditioned mind chatter. Whenever things become difficult for us as adults, we have a hard time handling it, because we want to master it right away. But as I've been stressing, mastery takes time. Just think about babies learning to walk and talk.

No matter how severe your frustration and negativity is, don't turn it against yourself. We are all precious beings who don't deserve this terrible kind of self-talk. If you wouldn't say it to a 3 year old child you love, don't say it to yourself! By viewing yourself at war with your body and mind, peace is never possible, because the physical and psychic beings are always battlegrounds. However, a body and mind at peace are able to hear the knock of the Infinite on the door of their souls when it comes. Our goal in life is to be peace, and to spread peace everywhere we go. By working through our own negativity, we can offer others so much more. We're all in this together, so hello fellow travelers, and I hope we can all help eachother out.

P.S. - A big thanks to Shelley for subbing the Full Series Ashtanga class this past Saturday!! I heard rave reviews last time and the students and I really appreciate it! :) -LSD